Awesome.

Bush's $50,000,000,000 bill to protect the US -

I don't even think Zombies would chase after Americans. They would probably hate us too... or become allergic -- I don't know but that hate would keep us alive. Good thing? Bad thing? I don't know!

I am Not a Religious Man but...

God HELP us ALL! Labia envy anyone? Airport Security problems? My vagina is crying I gotta go :(

Conan + Glow Sticks = Rave-arian

Oh lordy! God, this is the best...

Ask yourself: Can he change your life?

Fuck! I can't lie... I like the song. Damnit.

Shake that Foreign Grandpa Ass

Not sure about the shoes yet, but the ad gave me a boner.

Global Warming is Fucking up Animals' Fucking

The birds and the bees have gone haywire! - According to Brits... meh.

Ninja Bear Escapes Near Death

Battle Peep!

Linda made it with love.
I can't wait to see what she does with pumpkins this Halloween.

Bock, Bock, Bock CHICKEN!

PETA rules, well not really... but fuck KFC

Gook Luck Chuck!

Damn these bitches!

I'd fuck myself too if I was into muscular lil' beans

I hope this is real, cause god knows I've put on woman's undergarments more than once in my day. My mom's are the BEST. Here a couple links to fill you in--- ONE--- TWO
Click on picture if you wanna see up close ;)

WTMFucker gave me a heartattack.

And I haven't smoked crack in like I week...ummmm I think... yeah thats about right. BOO!

Arrrr mateys! Avast, Jolly Roger hangs tidy as I get my Booty! Arrrrrrr!

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It's a perfect excuse to drink some rum and loosen those lips.... and THOSE lips. Arrrr!

Find out what your Pirate Name is here:
ARRR! MY PIRATE NAME ARRR!

Read more about Talk Like a Pirate Day and get yer Pirate Booty.

VOTE FOR THE FATE of Barry Bonds' Record Breaking Ball

What would you do with this $752,467.00 baseball? The “secret buyer” was fashion designer Marc Ecko. He’s letting the public decide what to do with the ball that broke Hank Aaron’s home run record. I say, lets grab some gloves and head to the park.... then head to the ranch and warm up some irons!

VOTE NOW on http://www.vote756.com/marcecko/

View the Today Show clip here.

Congress' Skull Fucking Bill of 2007

Congress is tired of Skull Fuckers! And frankly, so am I! Watch the video and learn more about Skull Fucking here.

How "FREE & AVAILABLE" are Free Music and Video Downloads?

May I just say that I stumbled upon this article as I was combing thru Google's news postings. Spiral Frog launches today. It's supposedly an ad-based site where anyone can just download music and videos for FREE. Hmmm.... this idea wreaks of fish - or, more like frogs, whatev. Chevy is the only advertiser that I've noticed on the site.

Shit smell #1:
"..offering more than 800,000 tracks and 3,500 music videos for download... that content comes by way of Vivendi SA's Universal Music Group, the world's largest record company and the only major label that has licensed its music and videos to SpiralFrog."

Is that it? One label? I think my iPod holds more than what they have to offer..... Wait, what's this? If I have an iPod or a Mac, I can't use this "Free" service?

Shit smell #2:
"Downloads cannot be burned to a CD, but they can be transferred to dozens of digital music players." The content, however, is not compatible with Apple's Macintosh computers or its market-leading iPod."

And there you have it... A big Shitball rockets onto iPod and Mac users - which is a helluva gigantic slice of the pie. Oh! And in case these people don't know iPod Touch just hit the market this past Friday.... Story here.

Who wants a 5'2" Dildo?

Ebay recently pulled this penis sculpture auction from their marketplace. It took the sculptor, Jo Mann (yes, her name is like a punchline to a bad joke....) about four months to sculpt this King Kong-ish dong..... complete with garden hose and vacuum hose pieces for veins. Oh, and did I mention that it comes with a ginormous condom? Yeeeaah.

Ebay discovered this and pulled it after only being posted for 12 hours, which means:
a) Their site censorship management filters/ scripting really sucks
b) Ebay staff was also very curious to see how much the 5'2" penis would sell for
c) Someone on staff (with a Napoleon complex) got bitter.
d) All of the above

I suggest for Ebay to accept the fact that people aren't really sensitive to this kind of shit... I would have been pissed if the Make Your Own Dildo Kit or the XTRA sa-leezy lingerie that I bid on last week was pulled off the Ebay shelves! Selfish bastards....

Watch the fuck out! Britney is back and still crazy.

What the hell is all this Toxic she's smoking? Someone please Hit her One More Time.... or more like slap the shit out of that girl. Her VMA performance was uh... lacking in every angle... from every angle. It was like watching a cow run through thick mud. Ok, that was mean but I give her a 2.5 for her store-bought bra and hotpants. I think her performance would have been 10 times better if she wore something else.... or actually performed, just my opinion.

Does Britney realize that she needs to give her publicist a fat raise? I don't know what excuse you can give for that Lack-of-a-Comeback performance.

You people have no idea how much I want this girl to jump back on the horse and start kicking ass as the pop princess that she WAS. Seriously. Yeah, ok, her voice is no Christina Aguilera but Brit was a damn good entertainer.... Fuck you, admit it.

THIS......IS...(not)...SPARTA!

Ahahaha!! Bravo.... bravo. I guess these guys know where that shortcut is, following the old railroad tracks through the Estuary... hmmm.....

Dog Trouble Trend

First it was only Michael Vick going to jail for dog-related charges. In Seattle, WA, a woman faces up to 90 days in jail for registering her canine to vote. She said she did it to protest a change in the law that she believed made it too easy for non-citizens to vote. Nice try. It makes sense and everything but prolly not as significant or appealing in Seattle. Try that out here in Southern CA... you'll get attention and fame, the opposite of jail time. Read here.

Texan Bloodsucking Chupacabra

Read the story here.

Who wants to play: Get Your Ass Kicked By the Wall?

Holy shit this is funny!!!!!! This is the true spirit of sportsmanship..... a physical challenge, mental obstacles, embarrassment, failure and victory.... but mostly failure - the reason why sports are so damn entertaining.

I am tired of these Mothafuckin' Snakes on these mothafuckin' planes!

Oh jesus. The one thing that I hate more than Mormons knocking on my door is the vivid picture of Samuel L. Jackson talking about mothafucking snakes on a god damn plane. this happens every time I hear "snake" and "plane" in one sentence or in sentences too close to one another. In the instance shown above, there was, in fact, a fucking gray Rat Snake in the cockpit of a damn plane, riding shotgun. The pilot noticed when it started licking his arm.... whoa! wait a minute... this baffles me.... it's not a cat, so I doubt it was "licking" you, Mr. genius pilot. Read the full story here.

BET's spin on "Schoolhouse Rock"

Face Down, Ass Up and Gimme All Your Money

I've heard of people being scared of sex toys, but this is stupid.

Man up Fuck a Manta

If you love kinky oral sex you'll just love this article about fisherman. I love this quote "Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point,"

Bukkake!

Pronounced Boo-ka-ke. For those of you who don't know what Bukkake is, educate yourself, for you may be missing out on some kinky freak shit.

Fiona Apple sucks at shadow boxing

When in doubt... flick the beans

What country would it be the worst for condoms to be defective?
If Africa came to mind you'll love this little tail of corruption...

Bangkok hopes Hello Kitty can shame errant cops

Even as a 20-something girl, I consider Hello Kitty one of my guilty pleasures. Can't imagine how guys with a Napoleonic complex feel.

Gimps Gone Wild... Shall I say More

You can become a model!!! Here is your competition.

Blondes are Alive and Well

Ms. South Carolina is an absolute blonde genius. Or not.

I can't understand his English and I can't understand why I watched the entire thing.

What a Slinky.

Puppet Porn... well Muppet

TMZ has the scoop.

The domino effect; minus the dominoes

awesome dorkyness

Nessun Dorma

Wow - is all I can say. It's opera; just in case you uncultured ones didn't know.

Vick becomes a chew toy

The dogs are fighting back again. These are the details on this clever dog toy.

Beat-It-Up Fridays

I'm all for boosting employee morale.

I wouldn't say shit if it was Yogi, Smokey or Fozzie...

That's a bear dude, not a dog. And that's a 4-wheeler with a basket in the front, not a car. How many domesticated bears do you know? -Yeah, that's what I thought. He stays close, sleeps in your house and hangs on because he wants to eat you, stupid fuck. Read about how retarded this is.

Storm Trooper rides the LightSaber

Watch video here. Buy the attire on ebay.

dafont.com loves pussy

Wangs too! Click here to check out more.

Scary Vampire Shit

My most fave hobo ever.

Yes... Yes. Yes...

This is a shitty job.

Great example of American advertising, though you will never see this on TV. What a shame - censoring great minds....

Finally! Kells' Trial Date Set

Lawyers will argue that he "was computer generated" in the sex tapes. Nah ah. ...Unless it was this guy above that came to life, like in the movie mannequins. I highly doubt that though because the R. Kelly above has no penis, and therefore cannot allegedly pee in his allegedly videotaped sex acts on an alleged underage girl. Trial info here.

Not-So-Lucky Seven

Poor little freakshow. This little lamb chop was born with seven legs. No word as to whether any of the legs will find their way onto a dinner plate.

With Age Comes Wisdom. And Vibrators.

Nice choice of gear 'ol gal...
...not so sure about that cone though, why is the base that wide???
Sue Johanson can stay.

He's got his 'do-rag... and that's about it.

This man has been up to some gangsta shit, he probably can't lean his seat really far back, to achieve a "gangsta lean", but he's got the title of most notorious driver in Pasco County, Florida. Read here about the no armed/half legged NASCAR fan. I have no proof this man actually loves NASCAR but I would bet my left nut.

If you want a BJ, some Greek or just wanna laugh at whores...

Craig's List is out of control!!! To see all the hookers, slap your flacid penis against your mouse when the arrow is over the words smelly skank ho.

Dirty braid Pigeons, Medicaid Pigeons, Section Eight Pigeons - All Hollywood Pigeons

Apparently, everything can get contraceptives in Hollywood.
Introducing birth control for pigeons. Real Pigeons, not broke, gold-digging, toes-over-the-shoe pigeons; although they should be kept from breeding as well.

Fuck Swing Goes Postal

Getting Kinky=Ass Paper Cut... Get some more here.

"The View" has no peripheral vision

This short sight seems to have "The View" being sat on by fat left-wing hollywood dumb fucks. What kind of moronic decision is it to replace Rosie O'Donnell with Whoppi Goldberg WTF. Read what CNN says here.

Hairy Chinese Rocker to Rock the Olympic Torch?

How do we tell him NO? Since he's lost 30% of his hearing due to his "unique hair condition". Maybe he'll have better luck working with the Guiness Book... just my guess.
Chinese singer Yu Zhenhuan says he wants to be part of the torch relay for next year's Beijing Summer Olympic Games... I wouldn't recommend wearing hairspray for that event.

Michael Vick has dogs fighting back

A dog has shot his owner in the back. Read more here.
And to read about the gangsta asshole that has caused this "Revolt of the Canines" click here.

Don't give guns to Lithuanians.

In Atlanta, GA, an owner of a car dealership has been arrested, accused of shooting and killing two employees because they kept asking for raises. All three were from Lithuania. Moral of the story: Don't give Lithuanians guns... or jobs, because they will try to suck you dry of your money, then shoot you. Story here.

Track and Field from behind

If this happened more often I would totally watch this boring shit.

Sex or Secs? Barbarella has 70's sex - again.

Jane Fonda is planning to make an erotic film - to prove couples can lead a fulfilling sex life in their seventies. Funny, I just watched Barbarella. Saggy asses and saggy breasts sounds more like a good horror film. Maybe they should call it 70 Years Later. Hire me Hollywood.
Do the Jane Fonda.

I Did Do It.

"A Federal bankruptcy judge Monday awarded the rights to O.J. Simpson's canceled "If I Did It" book to murder victim Ronald Goldman's family, who say they want to release the book to portray Simpson as a murderer and wife beater."

Dumb. Is what I think. But deep deep down, I did want this book to get published. Read the story.

Wax on, Wacks off

Today in Dublin, Ireland...
Someone stole Hitler's Clothes, some Teletubbies, Bob the Builder and more. Drunk Irish asses.
Read the full story here.

Mr. T's look-a-like is tall like Tom Criuse

The best sport in the world, Midget Wrestling.

Bald Brit made me Nostalgic :)

remember: she rips up a photo of the pope and says "fight the real enemy"

Nice face/life Brittney

Lay off the narcotics and the cheetos you whore. I guess this was 5 days before she went all Sinead O'Connor on us. Bald Brit is here.

I just love him

Cuddle bunny! R.I.P. little bro.
SAM is his name.

Butt sex is alive and well in prison

Whoopi is one sexy prison bitch! Is it wrong I am massaging my taint right now?

Midgets on Springer

Jerry Springer has really won my heart over the years <3

realism loves sex dolls, except for anime pervs

RealDoll
Where are the cleaning instruction on this site?

Boys on Wheels

Since I always feel like vomiting when I laugh, this sat very well for me. (and not to mention if you already know you are going to hell, you could allow yourself to enjoy this).